wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
