you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
