Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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