There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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