Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
