Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
