i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
