At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
