I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
