dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
