Where did you get a picture of my penis
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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