we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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