They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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