I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
