we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
