im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
