I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
