census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
