i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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