I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
