Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
