They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
