Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
