Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
