take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
