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Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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