Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
