he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
