So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
