I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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