two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
