Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
