News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
time to smoke my breakfast
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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