MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
