Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
