i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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