i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We're too hungover to prance.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
