hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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