I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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