wat bout pragnant strippers??
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
