well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
the raccoons are back...
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