I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
