Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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