just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
