I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
