if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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