woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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