yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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