Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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