We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
