He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
