you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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