No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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