I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
