I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
