Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
