just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
