anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
