just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
