Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
