so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
True strength comes from lack of pants
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
