Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
