So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
It's just like the Real World with babies
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
