Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
